Katznews

Dear Katzfriends,

Welcome to the Katzsite.

His Antimajesty the Katzpope has been busy recently, travelling to the Far East to prepare it for Katzannexation and converting the Katzheathen. When not busy trumpeting himself abroad, he has been preparing this website for the delectation of the Katzbrethren and for the general edification of the public.

The First Katzplague has now been spread to over 35% of the population. Already outbreaks of Katzplague have been reported in Azerbaijan and Rotherhithe.

The effects of the plague are: one thinks one has free will, but one doesn't. An infected person believes that s/he chooses to lift his/her hand, to light a cigarette, to read a newspaper column, to eat in a choice restaurant recommended in a magazine, to read the instructions on the back of the packet, to phone a cinema information line and listen to the choice of films, to run round the park in the morning, to select a new wallpaper in emulation of something they saw on television, to masturbate on the sofa before going to work, to put one leg infront of another, to sit by the window... but s/he doesn't. All these choices have already been made for him/her by the Katz Corporation, and s/he is merely carrying them out blindly.

There is no cure for the Katzplague, though sufferers might "decide" to take certain courses of action to end their affliction, such as suicide, but these actions will have been, of course, already decided for them by the Katz Corporation, and so do not constitute a cure as such.

For the Katzplague continues after death in the roomy vaults of the afterlife. Even here, the soul of the sufferer will be eternally guided by the Katzvirus, without end.

By reading this, you will have contracted the Katzvirus. Incubation periods vary, but generally take around 9 days or months before the virus develops into full-blown plague. But don't worry, you are not alone.

The Katzplague and Katzvirus are patented by, and trademarks of, the Katz Corporation.

I will update you on further developments in due course.

Esu Bam

Chief Executive Officer of the Katz Corporation.